Shiny happy people

What's our goal as parents? If we're honest, there are days when we just want do whatever it takes to make the kids happy and get some peace & quiet. It's important to pick our battles, but it's also important that we pick them for the right reasons. We need clear-cut objectives to guide our decisions in the times when decisions seem difficult to make, and the decisions never seem to get any easier. And although setting a goal of "raising happy kids" is good, there's a far better target we can aim for.

Ephesians 6:4 says: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children..." It's easy to become so focused on the external details of how our kids perform that we spend the bulk of our time pointing out where they need to improve. That's exasperating for you and for them. The Bible goes on to say "... instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." So the goal isn't simply for our kids to be more moral - the target is for them to be more like Jesus: kind, others-centered, disciplined, pure. We want to set them up for success as God defines it.

Once we're aimed at the right target, then the tough choices will get easier. And if our kids learn godly character, then we won't need to try to impose godly restraints around them.

Parenting struggles

Let's focus the blog on parenting this week. With 3 boys under the age of 10, I know very well that parenting is a full-time 24/7 job. On any given week, I fluctuate from moments of joy that rival any Hallmark commercial to times when I'm ready to pull my hair out because I'm just not sure what to do. If I had to name my #1 parenting challenge right now, I think I'd say that it's having the energy to be consistently involved when my kids need me instead of occasionally "checking out" for an hour or an evening.

I'm going to look at biblical principles for parenting this week. So here's the all-skate question for today: whether your kids are toddlers, teens, or no longer at home - what's your #1 parenting challenge or question?

Twisted

I've been thinking about spiritual warfare a lot lately (cue the Twilight Zone music). It seems like it's generally okay to talk about God, but when you mention Satan people start wondering what you've been smoking. I guess that's why most people go to one of two extremes: they either see the devil hiding behind every bush or else they assume that the spiritual realm is the stuff of fairy tales. But the same Bible that makes all of the promises that we love to quote also says that Satan is very real. And his strategy today is the same as it has always been.

The Bible says over & over that Satan is the ultimate deceiver. He twists the truth just enough to trip us up, but not so much that the lie is so obvious that we'd reject it. In John 8:44 Jesus says of Satan: "When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." He'll distort the truth just enough to make us believe it. He'll twist our appetite into addiction. He'll twist our desire into greed. He'll twist our view of God into anger and blame for whatever we don't like. And the ultimate goal of the deception is destruction. So if we're going to avoid his traps, we've first got to recognize that they're real.

Want to be well?

In John 5:6 Jesus saw a man who had been an invalid for 38 years. He asked the man: "Do you want to get well?" It seems like a silly question, doesn't it? It seems so obvious that the man would want to be helaed and would know Jesus is the one who can do it. But instead, the guy starts whining about how other people always hop in the water ahead of him. He had bought into a local myth that whenever the water would be "stirred," the first person into the pool would be healed. In other words, he was putting his faith in the wrong thing.

I think that we often do the same thing. We know in our heads that we can trust God, but we make choices that show that we trust our own ideas even more. Maybe we're not as smart as we think we are. Maybe we need to go "all in" and stop being half-hearted. We'll never find out what God can do in our lives until we trust Him completely. And when we do that, He's promised to always meet us where we are and start growing us to become who He wants us to be.

Turning the other cheek - even when it's sore

Ever had people say things about you that just weren't true? Ever been ambushed by someone that you trusted? I have and it's not fun at all. In fact, it makes me want to lash out & strike back. But Jesus famously said in Luke 6:27 that we're supposed to love our enemies. It might be natural to strike back or do the passive-aggressive thing, but it's still wrong. So what should I do?

Here's a verse that kicks my butt regularly: If anyone says "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20) The truth of this verse absolutely rocks me: that means that I can only love God as much as I love the person that I love the least. Wow - that really stomps on my own toes.

I sometimes try to convince myself that I can simultaneously have a lot of love for God and have almost no love for my enemies. But the Bible says that the amount of love I have for the people who attack me is like a "lid" that reveals the upper limit of how I really feel about God. So I'm going to "raise the lid" and go out of my way to show God's love to the people who are acting like my enemies. Do they deserve it? No. But I didn't deserve it when God did it for me either.

Just look up

I was reading John 3 today - the passage where Nicodemus sneaked over in the night to ask Jesus a bunch of questions. The more Jesus explains, the more confused Nick gets. Jesus reminds Nick about the strange time when the Israelites were being attacked by poisonous snakes. Moses had made a big bronze serpent and put it on a flag pole. When I was a kid, I had a Bible with a picture of that bronze snake - really creeped me out! Anyway, if the wounded people would look at the bronze snake, they would be healed.

Jesus makes this comparison for Nick: just as they looked up at it and received life, anyone who looks up to me on the cross will receive eternal life. So simple. So clear. I'm not sure why I forget to look up so often.

Tonight I'm going to be intentional about spending at least a couple of minutes at dinner talking with my kids about why it's important to look to Jesus. Will you join me and do the same at your table?

Wine at a wedding

This weekend I "did" a wedding. I'm never quite sure how to say that. If I say "I married someone," then it sounds like I'm a polygamist. And if I say "I officiated a wedding," then it sounds like a fight broke out and I had to give the groom a standing 8-count. Anyway, I was reading John 2 this morning about the wedding that Jesus attended. This is the time when Jesus changed the water to wine (and I'm glad they didn't ask me to do that this weekend!).

As I read the story carefully, it sounds like the water didn't change to wine until the moment the chief servant tasted it. That means that the servant who Jesus told to draw the water and take it to the chief had to trust that Jesus was going to do something amazing... just in time. This anonymous servant walked all the way to the chief looking down at a ladle full of plain old water. What happened next (if anything) was completely beyond his control, but it wouldn't have happened if he didn't trust Jesus enough to obey. Wow - I want to be like that servant! It seems like most of my stress comes from wanting to see God do something amazing and transform my plain old water before I ever take the first step. But it's not faith if it's within my control. So I'm committing today to obey and do the part He's called me to do, and then trusting Him to show up and do what only He can do... just in time.